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Slammin Lammon On The Road Again!

Slammin Lammon On The Road Again!

In 5ish weeks I'm packing up my life in Richmond, VA and moving it somewhere far away!

Where to? Some of you know, but for right now I'm going to keep it a social media secret. Mostly because I have a special blog post all about my moving and why. I can promise it'll be a good post, because it's majorly inspired by the incredible experience I had with Jordan Younger (@thebalancedblonde) and her AHMAYZING Soul on Fire yoga sesh in NYC. She's got me so fired up for the future and I can't wait to share it with everyone!

But before I can move on to my exciting life journey, I have to move to my next home, and last time I tried that it had some unexpected twists.

I swear, this stuff only happens to me...

Around end of May/Juneish time of 2015, I was relocating from Sarasota, FL, where I had been training at Sarasota's Margaret Barbieri Conservatory of Dance to Richmond, Va. It was an exciting move for me because I was going to be a Trainee with the Richmond Ballet and get to do some real company works.

My mom had come down from Alaska to see my last show and help me pack things up, then she left and my boyfriend came the next day to help me do the actual moving. 

Cuz you know, muscles.

We had rented a U-Haul truck and were going to be driving it up to Richmond from Sarasota. About a 14 hour drive, two looooong days of driving.

My mom and I had got most of my furniture moved into the U-Haul so when my boyfriend showed up, there wasn't much left to do.

However, the morning we were leaving we had to stop by the U-Haul center to get the car dolly for the truck so we could tow my car and not worry about having to drive it. As handy as that was, the way the hitch was set up, we would not be able to back the truck up because the car and hitch would swing in the opposite direction.

Fun, right?

At the U-Haul center, since it was MY CAR. I was tasked with the job of driving it up on to the dolly. The U-Haul worker was giving me directions of how which way to drive it up, and he was AWFUL at his job.

Man looked like he was trying to do the wave while directing me. ZERO clear direction and didn't make much sense. He also was talking so really only he could hear himself.

He shot my boyfriend a look like "women right?", and told me to get out of the car because my boyfriend should do the driving. I got out but was so livid. I just stared him down with the most evil eyes I could muster. I KNEW I was capable of doing the task at hand.

I would go on to prove that later....

 Actual real-life footage right before the Ding-bat in the middle failed at directing me.

Actual real-life footage right before the Ding-bat in the middle failed at directing me.

After the car was hooked up, we headed out on the road.  It had only been like 30 minutes before I thought I was going to die of boredom.

Mayday (back in the days when I was a sane female with only one cat) was constantly meowing. He was in his carrier in the front seat, and not happy to be there. He pretty much meowed the whole car ride, and when he did stop to fall asleep, the second I noticed he was quiet, he was right back to meowing.

Can't wait to move with THREE cats. Lord, help me.

Things were going pretty smoothly and we were plugging along. It was probably about 1:30pm and we realized that we were hungry. We decided to stop at the next exit sign we came across advertising a gas/food/lodging. We kept driving and driving and still nothing. I looked at my phone and discovered we'd passed the last exit sign for miles. We had been passing exits all day and OF COURSE we missed the last one for 30 minutes.

Sure, 30 minutes isn't that long to wait, but I was HANGRY. I get it from my dad, when I'm hungry, I'm the worst person to be around.

Of course, we had forgotten snacks too.

I never forget snacks now!

We finally came to the exit for a Subway. To get to the Subway, we had to make a left turn across the opposite traffic and then pull in to the parking lot. However, we missed the turn (well, I think my boyfriend missed the turn, because I'm always right and give GREAT directions. Ya know?) and proceeded down the wrong road. 

It was a small residential road and we kept looking for another turnaround. I kept pointing out driveways that I thought we could use to turn around, but my boyfriend was not satisfied and kept on driving. I think he was also expecting to come to a road that either looped around to our road or an outlet back to the main road.

We kept going and going and finally came to a beautiful, stunning, gorgeous sign that said "No Outlet"

You could also see through the trees that the main road was so close! 

Seriously, if the road builders had just eaten a little more Wheaties for breakfast the day they went to build the road.....

Here was the dilemma we were now faced with: We were at a dead end road with a U-Haul that would not back up correctly because of the car dolly and the car attached to the back of it. We were also in the middle of BumFack, Georgia. You know that area right? Where there's not much going on for miles. We did see a lot of Confederate flags tho....

I suggested that we just TRY to back the U-haul up and see if by some amazing miracle we could get it to work.

My boyfriend tried backing up the U-haul, and it worked for about two seconds, and then the car started heading in one direction and the dolly veered off in the opposite direction. Somehow, NONE OF THE WAYS WE WANTED IT TO GO.

There was only one thing to do at about 2:00pm in the afternoon, (say following in heavy Southern Accent) as the hot Georgia sun beat down upon our sweating brows...

Unhook everything and turn the U-Haul around.

We drove my car off the dolly and backed it out of the way, but ready to be hooked up again. Somehow, my boyfriend managed to unhook the hitch and drag it up the road. 

To put it in to perspective for you as to how hard this was, I have never seen my boyfriend struggle that hard to maneuver something. This hitch was probably several hundred pounds and was meant for being hooked up to a truck, not pulled by a mere human. It was heavy and awkward to drag. He's 6'3" and in incredible shape, but still had a very hard time.

Finally, we were able to back the U-Haul truck around with a simple 40 point turn and got it facing the correct direction.

Now we had to hook everything up again...

No professionals around this time. No one who ACTUALLY knew how to hook it all up properly. 

There's a big difference between knowing how to do something and being a man and knowing how to do something. If ya catch my drift...

By sheer will, and with the help of every muscle in his body, my boyfriend drug the dolly up and hooked it to everything. Hopefully it was done the correct way!

You already know this story has a happy ending because there weren't any news articles about a 20 car pile up on I-95 in Georgia stemming from a rogue 2000 Honda Accord.

You'd remember it, there's no way an Accord can cause that much damage otherwise...

Now my boyfriend was beat, and I was tasked with driving the car up on the dolly.

Remember before how I wasn't able to do it and was She Shamed by the employee for it? Well now all I saw was red. I was gonna hook up this MFing car if it was the last thing I did.

My boyfriend stood in front and gave me the directions, (here's hoping I didn't shoot off the front of the hitch and impale him between the U-Haul and the car, not a good idea in hindsight) and we hooked that car up FLAWLESSLY!

We had lost an hour and were both so exhausted and cranky from all the manual labor and sun that had been beating down on us. He was a lobster, because he's a ginger and the lack of soul means he gets sunburnt quicker, and I had a massive dehydration headache. But I was so proud, because we kept our cool and no one snapped at the other. When I get hangry, it's scary. But I was able to reign it in. Even though I knew it was all his fault ;)

After what seemed like hours, we arrived at our hotel. Literally in the middle of nowhere Carolina. It was only like 8pm, but the hotel seemed to be floating in a black void of nothingness. It was just there in the middle of a parking lot in the middle of a field.

We checked in and brought the still meowing cat up to the room and got his litter box set up, which he would then proceed to spray litter ALL OVER the hotel room.

The question of what to eat for dinner came about. It was probably only like 9pm, but EVERYTHING except Dominoes was closed. So Dominoes it was.

I think we got some weird pasta thing, breadsticks and wings. It was tré disgusting.

The next morning, hotel breakfast wasn't much better. Everything was heavily processed and similar to eating plastic or rubber, both in consistency and taste.

We only had a few more hours to drive to get to my new apartment so we plugged ahead, but felt soooo sick from all the disgusting food we'd eaten.

Both of us are pretty healthy eaters, 95% of the time, and our bodies definitely weren't accustomed to that nastiness. Nothing says serious relationship like fighting over the bathroom.

Around mid-day, we pulled up outside my apartment after a harrowing journey on Richmond's teensy tiny streets. Driving down the streets in the U-Haul and car dolly felt like trying to put a whole roast beef in a hotdog bun.

I made the executive decision that we were going to go get some REAL food for lunch before we did anything. I put Mayday inside the apartment and we went off to The Daily for some good, clean and healthy food. My boyfriend was stressing at the time and couldn't relax because he just wanted to get everything moved in. I told him to chill out because I knew that we needed a break and some good fuel. 

It was mostly for his safety, if I didn't get food it was not going to be a fun day for him.

After we finished up our lunch, we went back to the apartment to begin the tedious process of moving everything in. Things were going well and getting moved fast, until my couch. It's a quite large sectional and the section with the pull out bed did not want to go where we wanted it to. It also felt like it weighed a million pounds.

Oh, and it was starting to rain....

We got so lucky, because at that moment my next door neighbor came out and offered his assistance. Now we had two strong men struggling with the furniture, not a man and an exhausted, cranky and still hangry woman.

The rest of the furniture got moved super quickly and my neighbor later found a six pack of beer on his doorstep.

The whole trip concluded with my boyfriend and I sitting on my front porch drinking out of mason jars. All that was missing was our stained wife-beater shirts...

Slammin Lammon Ages 20 Years After 24 Hours of CATastrophic Hell

Slammin Lammon Ages 20 Years After 24 Hours of CATastrophic Hell

Do You Even Tinder?!

Do You Even Tinder?!